Ode To My Panic Attacks

It comes in waves,
Sometimes discretely,
But no less completely,
Gentle laps at a lake’s edge
Then grabs at my ankles
And pulls me beneath,
Rolls me over, death-rolling
Crocodilian behaviour innately
Only with sharper teeth
To drag me to where
The Lady of the Lake
Once lived, once breathed.
The lake and I are one
Entity; this is our unforgiving
Symbiotic relationship.

Sometimes it’s more obvious,
Similar to pounding surfs
Midwinter on Cornish coasts,
Devouring, all consuming,
A beach where families played
And lovers greeted each other
With trysting passion and embraces
Before our eyes transformed.
The dismal dunes are lost,
Subliminal caves, deep gullies
In my dreams are subsumed.
Eventually, whole cemeteries
And villages will fall from the cliff,
That line of rocks looks like
Petrified rooftops, they’d say,
People as yet unborn
Will stand on that new front
And read about losses
On interpretation boards,
On sea wall defences and piers,
Boulders imported from Norway
But ultimately futile,
Binoculars around their necks,
Words on those rainswept panels
As symbolic as the wings
Of albatrosses our sailors hung
Outside their cottage doors
To ward off spirits from
Unclaimed wrecks.

I woke up on a shower floor,
Seas tortured me and
Then returned to prior forms,
Purer forms of love,
And the lake again my lore,
To where they both waited
As just before.

6 thoughts on “Ode To My Panic Attacks

  1. Beautiful poem actually. I wasn’t sure I was expecting that considering the theme. I’ve written poems regarding anxiety, insomnia and panic attacks. Lol It felt weird at the time, now not so much. We all might do to, we as in our fellow experiencers

    Liked by 1 person

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